So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
