Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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