How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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