Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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