i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
