i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
