Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
