Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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