Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just gargled with NyQuil
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
