I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
