i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
