Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
