chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have aggressive nipples.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
