turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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