im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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