my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you win again, gameday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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