Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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