as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
