I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
