I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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