Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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