1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
