Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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