I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
