When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
