I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
