quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
