My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He felt like a one man threesome
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
