Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
