that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
