Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
