it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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