Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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