I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
