I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
