did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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