woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
