Pants 0. Shit 1.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
