I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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