??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
