Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
