dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
