ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
