Houston, we have a squirter
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
