i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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