I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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