I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
