this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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