What did we do last night that was yellow?
You can't motorboat a personality
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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