why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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