So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
