i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
