My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
