Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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